When people ask what do you do, you tell them… ?
Whatever I want.
What’s your biggest struggle — work or otherwise?
Assholes trying to stop me from doing what I want.
When you’re sad/grumpy/pissed off, what YouTube video makes you feel better?
Who did you admire when you were 10 years old? What did you want to be?
Templeton the Rat. I wanted to be a rat, which is different from someone who wants to rat on other people. I wanted to be a lowlife who knows everybody’s business and is constantly digging around in the garbage for something wonderful.
Describe your week in the wilderness. It doesn’t have to be ideal.
If you’re talking about any non-urban and/or non-rural inhospitable place, I feel like the word “wilderness” is kind of a tame expression. I feel like it doesn’t get any wilder than living in a large metropolitan urban area.
Would you ever perform a striptease? Describe some of your moves. Feel free to set the mood.
I’m pretty sure I would. I’m pretty sure I haven’t. If my moves on a dance floor are any indication, the recipient of my striptease would probably laugh a lot, then want to put their hands all over me.
How much money do you have in your checking account?
What’s wrong with society today?
Facebook. Corporate finance capitalism. Religion.
Are you using any medications? If so, which ones?
Propranolol: 10mg as needed.
What is your fondest memory?
That one night when I met a girl on Facebook and we walked around all night and couldn’t stop making out with each other. That was last Monday.
What would you like to see happen in your lifetime?
I feel like I’d like to see people realize that political economy is something they can make into something wonderful. People seem to believe that they have to suffer or something. Money is fake, which is great. It means we can make up different rules so we can all have money. Other than that, total nuclear annihilation would be nice.
What is art? Is it necessary? Why?
I don’t know. Art is probably everything. I feel like, without art, we’d die. Even people who hate art need art to give them something to hate. It is an art to ignore art. Great art is forgetting that art exists.
When you have sex, what are some of the things you like to do?
I like to pretend I’m someone else. I get off at the thought that my partner is betraying me.
What kind of work would you like to do? Or: what kind of writing do you most admire?
I like writing that’s not sincere. In other words, I like all writing. I really like legal writing. It’s really funny to read.
If there were one thing about the Bay Area that you would change, what would it be?
No dogs and no children allowed west of Oakland.
A night on the town: what does that mean to you?
It means I have an income.
If you got an all expenses paid life experience of your choice, what would it be?
A world without capitalism.